Shite Comics #2: Sonic the Hedgehog : Funny Files

“Sonic Tails And knuckles move into a house after it appears out of thin air!
Crazy adventures begin!”

Let’s be realistic here: would you ever read a sprite comic that relied on randumb humor as it’s main gimmick? No you wouldn’t. But this is SmackJeeves we’re talking about here, where 93% percent of its humor comics are garbage. The humor’s just about as random as this plot as well. A house that appears out of thin air? Isn’t that how InSONICnia started? Now that was a real stinker, but that was by one untalented author. Sonic the Hedgehog : Funny Files has about five of them.

How bad can they screw things up?

A Special announcement

Wow, another hedgehog recolor. Try to be a little less creative next time Manic Slade. Speaking of less creative, this isn’t how you start off a comic. Nobody wants to see your OC rambling off about shit you could’ve just posted in your comic’s main description.

You know an author’s desperate when they want to include fan characters that nobody will care about.

Random color changes XD

This is not a comic. This is something that escaped from a deviantArtist’s scrap folder. And believe me when I say there’s several other comics on SmackJeeves that are nothing but crappy recolored sprite sheets.

Raikles Sonicachu and Pichails

I wonder if this person’s ever heard of Sonichu before.

Custom sprites

Wasn’t there supposed to be a story somewhere? All I see are shitty recolors.

Slade the hedgehog

*sigh* Still more recolors…

Slade the hedgehog sprite sheet

A crucial element in spriting is to always resize by the power of two. Here Slade’s suffering from MS Paint artifacts that make this sheet totally useless.

Thankfully this is the last not comic page.

#1 RANDOM HOUSE

…Where do I even start.

First off, the comic did a complete 180º on itself: IT’S NOT FUNNY. It is the visual definition of randumb humor and only exists to make people cringe so hard you’d look like you stubbed your toe. I’m not even going to pay attention to the atrociously bad writing for I fear of growing stupid reading it.

The art is also awful. For starters it’s saved as a .GIF file leaving blotchy compression reminiscent of an old 90s computer running in 256-color mode. Second, while I’ll give the author credit for not stretching the characters out, he could’ve put more effort into filling the speech bubbles so we can read them better. He clearly tried doing so in the first panel but just gave up instead of using the filled circle tool in the first place.

Finally, the house itself was made in RPG Maker. How incredibly lazy.

#2 TV Problems

Did I say the house in the last issue was lazy? I take that back. This author is lazy.

Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails look more like pets in somebody’s home ripped straight out of Good Housekeeping. I can’t even tell what they’re saying since the speech bubbles have become way less clearer now.

When you say “TV Problems”, people are expecting something like the antenna being knocked off the roof, someone acting as faux-rabbit ears to pick up signal, or the troubles of hooking up a massive home entertainment system. Not animals fighting over a still image of Pokemon’s golden years while one of them chokes on a chili dog.

I haven’t heard “Boom Goes the Dynamite” since the mid-2000s. And this was made in 2011.

#3 KITTY!!

Now you may be thinking, “But FunnyStar? Why are you torturing yourself by reading this absolute travesty of a comic?” And you know what, that’s a damn good question.

There’s nothing I can even talk about that’s blatantly obvious. This comic’s awfulness speaks for itself.

I wonder if the next issue will be a steaming pile of shit as well.

#4: Enter Zero

What a surprise, it’s still bad. At least the background’s from an actual sprite-based game this time. But since the background doesn’t move it looks like Shadow’s just sitting there on his Harley.

Oh hello Zero. Are you going to be demoted to a background character or never be seen again? ‘Cause it looks like your go-kart opted for the latter.

Let’s just ignore the ending and pretend it never happened.

Send in the clones

I love how the comic’s now trying to have some semblance of a story. Although I don’t know if you can really call the duplicates “clones”, since everybody except Amy is using their post-Sonic Adventure designs, while Amy’s somehow reverted back to her “Rosy the Rascal” phase.

My guess as to why Knuckles is talking is to fill in the quota of randumb humor that we could easily do without.

Look at how the trees keep moving from panel to panel.

A mcdonalds run

Wow, I’m actually surprised that the clone thing was a story. But can we have an explanation about how both Dr. Robotnik and Eggman are co-existing in the same universe?

This is less crap then the rest of the issues, but it still leaves you with an empty void where a joke should be.

The battle of the sonics begin

The texture stretching has got to stop. DarkSoniic could just copy-and-paste a section repeatedly instead of making it look worse, but that’d be giving him too much credit.

I also gave the guy too much credit about his story arc: this is incredibly dull to read. It’s less random then the gag-a-day strips so it’s harder to get a migraine reading these. Which I guess is a plus.

Sonic Vs Sonic Part 1

Did I miss something? Why does Not Sonic have the ability to fire laser beams and instantly go super? Does he somehow have the power of the Chaos Emeralds in his genes?

I can’t even look at this issue for too long because of the red background again. My eyes hurt real bad now.

Sonic vs Sonic Part 2

This felt more like a typical Sonic vs. Shadow battle than what DarkSoniic was going for. But it was still anti-climatic since anybody with a decent IQ could’ve predicted that Real Sonic would’ve won the battle.

“Mothafuckas”. Sounds like it’s referring to moths instead of mothers.

The cover page

“Shit, I ran out of ideas for the clone saga! Guess I better drop that story as abruptly as possible and do a definitely not overused zombie story! Because everybody still loves zombies… right?”

Those zombies in the lower half don’t even have all their transparency filled in. At least Zero’s back.

The Rise of the tails doll

No wait, we’re still doing the whole clone thing. Then why the hell was this interrupted with that zombie bullshit.

Anyway, what’s going on here. Sonic stuffing thing up his ass? Tails Doll is the epitome of evil? Whatever. It’s the same cliche garbage you could in any Sonic fan work.

Wait, Didn’t He Change His Spritesheet?

My God that was hard to read. You’re only supposed to color the text if the speaker is off-screen, not when they’re right there. And even then it’s too bold and bright for anybody to understand anything.

Hooray, the Sonic Advance sprites are back. Can’t go a single series without them showing up.

Introduction

No. This doesn’t even qualify as a swan song; it’s a duck chunder. Look at how their mouths aren’t even filled in!

Extreme5000, you didn’t even try to put effort into this shit. And I’ve just seen your comics, so expect one of them to show up in the future.


And that was Sonic the Hedgehog : Funny Files, with its title being the complete polar opposite of what actually happened. The biggest problem I see here is the inclusion of multiple authors. None of them gave a damn about what they were making or if it would actually be pleasing to the eye. And since everybody jumped ship 2 years ago, it’s clear that this was a bad idea to begin with.

Speaking of bad idea, here’s the most glaring example: the story. Excluding the first six issures, the original concept was supposed to be the generic roommates setup in a gag-a-day comic with elementary school-level humor. That all went down the toilet in #11, and ever since it went into some clone story that never reached a conclusion and was interrupted twice.

But who even cares at this point. It’s never going to update again and will just fall into the dustbin of history just like the rest of SmackJeeves. How sad.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s